I hate suicide. I hate what 'it' has done to people. Suicide is a monster - a vicious animal - one that does everything 'it' can do to destroy the heart and soul of everyone 'it' touches. IF I had the power to do so - I would kill that 'monster'.
Life isn't easy. And for some of us - it can be - at times - just awful. So I understand the appeal of suicide. But as I look back on my own life - and hear other people talk about ending their own life - I can't help but wonder WHY people ASSUME that 'death equals peace'?? Even though I believe in God - I still don't know what 'death' is going to be like. I often think of this whenever I hear someone say that THEY are going to 'end the pain' by killing themselves. WHY does someone assume that 'death' is free of pain?? Perhaps [by killing themselves] a person will simply be exchanging one painful existence for another. I don't know. But no one else does either. What puzzles me even more - is that many people who ARE seriously considering suicide will also say that they find it impossible to believe in anything - and yet - they obviously DO believe. They believe that death is better than life. I'm no longer sure that's true. Are you?? If nothing else - it's something to think about.
There is so much sadness in this world. I would do anything to take the sadness away from each and everyone of you. In fact - and as silly as it is [perhaps] it makes me feel like a failure that I CAN'T make each of you appreciate just how unbelievably special and valuable you all are. None of you are a 'mistake'.
Thanks for taking the time to read this message
It takes FAR MORE COURAGE to be KIND than it does to be CRUEL - Craig Barton
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This is a difficult topic for me - so please forgive me if what I'm about to say doesn't make perfect sense. OK?!
When I was 15 years old - I came very close to killing myself. In fact - if my mom wasn't home that day - I'm sure I wouldn't be here now. I remember very clearly [As I was lying in my bed that night] the feeling of being strangely calm and distant from myself. [If that makes sense] I wasn't upset or worried or panicky or anything. In fact - I felt very 'comfortable' with my decision. I didn't want to be alive anymore - and that was 'OK'. It wasn't until my mom knocked on my bedroom door [Telling me to get up and get ready for school] that everything suddenly changed. The sound of my mom's voice caused me to come back from the dead. That sounds odd - I know. But that's what it felt like. It was like I was being violently dragged BACK to reality. Before my mom had a chance to say anything else - I burst into tears. My mom was at a loss for words. Something was horribly wrong - but she didn't know what it was. [Or what to do about it] My mom took the day off work - and I stayed home from school. I can't remember what happened next - oddly enough - but I think I probably slept through most of that day. What I DO remember is that I never told her what lead me to want to end my life. In fact - I never told anyone. Until now.
What happened?? A week or so earlier - I wrote my best friend a letter. In that letter I 'confessed' to him that I was somewhat attracted to him sexually. His MOTHER found that letter and told my friend that he could NEVER see me again. That was the last straw. My friend told me not to worry - that he would never stop seeing me - but even still - that was the straw that broke the camels back. [So to speak] Everything about my life - at that time - was especially bad. In fact - things had been getting progressively worse ever since I started going to school.
Life for many of us is [Or WAS] constantly stressful and worrisome. [With the occasional REALLY horrible day thrown in just to keep us off balance] For other people - life is good - but then they are suddenly forced to try to cope with a horrible situation. Either way - trying to feel OK again [Or trying to feel OK for the first time!] becomes a life-long struggle.
