It is very difficult [sometimes] to stay positive and focus on the 'good things' in life. [and there ARE 'good things' in EVERYONE'S life] |
S U I C I D E |
[page two] |
The toughest part of all - is trying NOT to have negative thoughts and/or say negative 'things'. The 'monster' I talked about [on page one] LOVES to whisper lies into my ear. 'He' is constantly telling me that I am worthless and that I can't do 'it' or that I'll fail or that people will make fun of me, etc. [at whatever it is I'm THINKING of doing] 'He' also tries to convince me that no one would care if I killed myself. I have to remind myself that it IS the 'monster' [i.e. depression and thoughts of suicide, etc.] that is the enemy. My life is fine - in spite of what the 'monster' keeps telling me. Once I accept that suicidal thoughts are not MY thoughts [and they are NOT] I can make it through another day. |
Depression - as many of you know - is like a cancer. Once it enters our thoughts and feelings - it seems to grow and take on a life of its own. We must treat depression AS an enemy. [because THAT is what it is] By allowing depression to take control of our life - we often end up surrendering to it. BUT... we CAN defeat the enemy by giving 'it' a personality of its own. I refer to MY depression [as you probably know by now] as 'The Monster'. Every time 'The Monster' tells me that I'm a worthless piece of sh*t - I tell 'it' to fu*k off. Sometimes - when I'm all alone in my car - I'll scream at 'The Monster' - telling 'it' to get the hell out of my life. I do my best to stop 'The Monster' from putting me down and bashing my self-esteem. [true - I'm not always successful at keeping 'The Monster' out of my life - but I do win SOME battles - which gives me hope] |
Stop believing the lies. Stop accepting [as the 'truth'] the idea that YOUR life [and who YOU are] is somehow inferior and 'not good enough'. You are 'good enough'. [in spite of what YOUR 'monster' may be telling you] |
Quite often - people who are seriously depressed [to the point of considering suicide] will tell me that they, "....don't have the strength to hang on anymore." My advice to those people is, "DON'T hang on!!" LET GO!! What you're hanging on to is NOT keeping you from killing yourself. In fact - very often - it is the 'thing' that we THINK is keeping us from committing suicide that is actually pushing us closer TO suicide. |
What do I mean?? |
Imagine - if you will - a very dark space. A 'space' so dark that you can't see anything. It's pitch black. You have no idea where you are. Then imagine that you are hanging on to a rope with both hands and that your feet are not touching anything. You are just in that space - swinging slowly back and forth. Because the rope is the only 'thing' that seems real to you - you are terrified of even the thought of letting go of it. [because you don't KNOW what will happen] I know that feeling - I've been hanging onto MY rope - for years. Those of us who finally decide that just hanging there and holding on to that rope [in complete darkness] is no longer acceptable - will take a chance and LET GO. They have no idea what's going to happen to them - when they DO let go - so doing so takes a tremendous amount of courage. [going from something we KNOW to something we DON'T know - always takes a great deal of courage] Surprisingly - for most people - what they discover when the DO let go of the rope - is that all along - their feet were only inches above solid ground. They also discover that the 'space' is now no longer as dark as it once was. |
Don't really understand what I'm saying?? Don't worry about it. It's not an easy concept to grasp. [in fact - it's taken me years to understand it] What it's about - basically - is having 'faith'. Faith in yourself, faith in life and [for me at least] faith in God. Committing suicide is USING that rope against you - when you should be letting go of it. What is the 'rope', exactly?? Well... it's whatever YOU have been hanging on to. Your 'rope' may be the habit of putting yourself 'down'. Perhaps you are so used to making fun of yourself - that you really don't know how to live any other way. I say... take a chance. Let go of that 'rope' and STOP being your OWN worst enemy. Become your OWN 'best friend'. Treat YOURSELF with kindness, compassion and RESPECT. And most of all... show yourself some mercy. Stop being so hard on yourself. You do NOT have to be anything other than what you ARE. You do NOT have to be like someone ELSE in order to be acceptable. |
Take care of yourself |
GREAT BIG HUG |
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Take care of YOUR LIFE |
